Basic Baby Bath Fun
Make your baby’s baths fun, safe, and stress-free with our tips
After your child’s umbilical cord has fallen off, it’s safe to hit the baby tub a few times a week. Water should be warm but not hot. Use a dab of mild dye- and perfume-free baby wash, and follow safety precautions such as keeping one hand on baby at all times. Go slow and enjoy this sweet ritual.
When to Start Tub Baths?
Give your baby a sponge bath until his umbilical cord has fallen off. (If he’s been circumcised, wait until that heals too.) After that, he’ll be ready for a baby bathtub. Choose one that has a contoured design or an internal sling that prevents your baby from sliding. Never use a bath seat — these can tip over when the suction cups fail, trapping your child underwater.
What’s the Right Temperature?Fill the tub with a couple of inches of lukewarm water. “Before you place your baby in the tub, check the temperature by dipping your elbow into the water — it should be warm but not too hot,” says Parents adviser Jennifer Shu, M.D., coauthor of Heading Home with Your Newborn. Keep testing the temp as you go. When it gets too cool, bathtime’s over.
When & How Often to Bathe?Your baby doesn’t need a bath every day; two or three times a week is fine as long as you clean his face, neck, hands, and diaper area daily. As for time of day, some newborns find the water stimulating, so it’s great to get them splashing first thing in the morning. Others mellow out in the tub, which makes it perfect right before bedtime.
Which Soap to Use?Use a washcloth with water and a mild baby wash. “Look for products that don’t have added perfume or dyes, which can irritate sensitive skin,” says Parents adviser Ari Brown, M.D., coauthor of Baby 411. Work a good lather into a washcloth before you start. Cradle your newborn’s head with one arm while you bathe her with the other.
Which Shampoo to Use?If your baby’s hair seems dirty, wet it down using a damp washcloth sans soap every day — no need to bring out the tub. Once or twice a week, during his baths, use baby soap or a drop of mild, tear-free shampoo. If he’s developed cradle cap (scaly patches that appear on the scalp) loosen the scales with a soft-bristle baby brush while you shampoo.
How to Keep Baby SafeSet everything you’ll need within arm’s reach — soap, washcloth, towel, diaper, change of clothes — before you start so that you can keep one hand on your baby at all times. When you’re done bathing him, quickly wrap him up in the towel so he doesn’t lose too much body heat. Dry him thoroughly, being sure to get into the creases, before you diaper and dress him. Also, don’t forget to:
* Learn infant CPR. And never leave your baby alone in a bathtub or in the care of another child, even for half a minute.
* Set your water heater to 120 degrees F. so your baby won’t get scalded if he accidentally turns on the faucet.
* Use a spout cover so he doesn’t hit his head on the faucet.
* Place a nonskid mat beneath your baby tub to prevent it from slipping.
* Empty the tub completely immediately after each use — a baby can drown in as little as 1 inch of water.
* Keep the toilet seat and bathroom doors closed after you leave
What If Baby Hates Bathtime?Some babies absolutely love taking a baths. Others not so much. “If your baby hates the tub, don’t force him to stay in the water,” says Dr. Shu. Instead, put him on a blanket or a towel and use a damp, warm washcloth to clean his face and body. Work on one body part at a time and keep the rest of him covered. Ease him back into the tub routine slowly. You might buy a few bathtime-only toys so he gets excited to play with something new. First, let him watch as you dunk the toys into the bathwater. After a few minutes, let the toys float and see if he reaches for them; if he does, try dipping his feet then his legs into the tub. “Babies aren’t naturally afraid of the water,” says Dr. Shu. “But they can be scared of the noise of running water or if water gets in their eyes.” Fill the tub when he’s out of the room, and be extra careful when you wash his face.
Child’s Desire to Learn
Teach her that mistakes are a part of life.
School is a key time for learning, but it can also be one of anxiety. Many kids worry about being embarrassed in front of their peers if they don’t know the answer or do something the wrong way. Try to counter this hesitancy by acknowledging your own goofs: “Whoops. I drove right by Nicole’s house. I guess we’ll have to go around the block again.” This sends the message that no one is perfect. When your child makes a mistake, you should also turn it into a positive. You might say, for instance, “You’re really good at making those E’s. Now just try to draw them facing the other way.” Also, always answer your child’s questions and never belittle them (“C’mon, you know the answer to that”), even if a query seems silly to you.
Help him develop a cool hobby.
As kids learn more about the world, they often discover a single subject that’s especially intriguing to them. Artwork may absorb one child, while another might set his sights on outer space. “If a child has a special interest in something, learning becomes exciting,” says Sally Reis, Ph.D., coauthor of Light Up Your Child’s Mind.
Instead of pushing your child to pursue something because you like it, give him opportunities to find his own things to pursue. Visit the zoo or an art museum, go on hikes, show him interesting stamps or coins, or point out flowers, birds, rocks, or the night sky in your own backyard.
If he seems interested, encourage him to start a collection. At 2, Ethan Gaynor, of Nutley, New Jersey, started picking out plastic animals to play with from a local craft store. His mom, Luisa, would cap off each purchase with a trip to the library to find a matching book. “Eventually, we moved from animal books to dinosaurs,” she says. By then he was hooked. Three years later he won first prize in the school science fair for a project on dinosaur diets. “Children who become collectors — especially of scientific things like leaves, bugs, shells, and flowers — almost always delve deeply into the subject,” says Dr. Acredolo. “And that often leads to their becoming avid learners in general.”
Stimulating Your Child’s Curiosity
Kids who enjoy learning tend to explore things more deeply. So encourage observation: Point out details he might not otherwise notice, such as the whorls of a fingerprint or thepatterns on a lace curtain .
“Instilling a passion for learning is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids,” says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Baby Minds: Brain-Building Games Your Baby Will Love. That’s not to say you should overlook skills such as reading and arithmetic. But keep this in mind: “Kids who enjoy learning tend to explore things more deeply, work harder, and be more successful in school and in life,” says Kathy Seal, coauthor of Motivated Minds: Raising Children to Love Learning. These strategies will keep the learning process fresh throughout the early years.
Leave time for independent play.
If you’ve ever watched a toddler endlessly fill, empty, and refill a bucket with sand, you know that all kids are scientists by nature. But this process of experimentation can’t happen unless you let your child check out the world on his own terms. “Give him time and room to do things on his own,” says Margery B. Franklin, Ph.D., professor emerita of psychology at Sarah Lawrence College, in Bronxville, New York. Resist the urge to jump in and help him at the first sign of frustration; children need to learn how to solve things themselves. “The answers, in learning and in life, don’t always come right away,” says Kyle Pruett, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Partnership Parenting. “Most kids need your help to develop perseverance.”
Encourage observation.
Taking a closer look at everyday objects will make them seem more intriguing to your child. Point out details she might not otherwise notice, such as the whorls of a fingerprint or the patterns on a lace curtain. On walks around town, Marla Barr, of New York City, used to play “Tell me what you see” with her then 2-year-old daughter, Julia. “I showed her the American flag and asked her to point out all the flags she could find on our stroll,” says Barr. In turn, Julia asked her mom to identify any new thing she observed (such as a mailbox or a garbage truck) and then tried to find other examples of it.
Fun, Foolproof Family Hikes
Get out your comfy walking shoes and gather your family for a fun and fitness-filled walk. Here’s how to make sure kids of all ages have fun out on the trails.
Any time is a terrific time to take a hike. Some tips for kid-friendly treks, from Best Hikes With Children in Utah author Maureen Keilty.
Make Sure Shoes FitTry on hiking boots for comfort and fit before you go.
Getting ReadyLet your kids help prepare for your hike by making trail mix, filling water bottles, and studying maps.
Choose an easy route so even the youngest hiker can say, “I walked the whole way!” Most younger children can handle a two-mile hike — and you may be surprised to see how far older kids walk! But for your first-time out on the trails, start with a gentle mile.
Stop to Smell the FlowersPoint out wildflowers, waterfalls, and birds’ nests along the way
Invite a Trail BuddyLet your child invite a friend. She’ll have more fun — and be less likely to complain.
Follow the LeaderGive everyone — even the youngest trail-goers — a turn as the hike leader.
Stay HydratedMake frequent stops for water and snacks.
Positive Reinforcement is Key!Praise patience and playfulness early and often.
Laugh and Learn With Baby
Clowning around with your kid builds his self-esteem and social skills. Try these easy ways to get a chuckle
As early as 18 months, children can recognize (and laugh at) things that don’t look or sound the way they should, such as a picture of a dog in shoes or a cow that “oinks.” By 24 months, toddlers know the correct names for objects, so your child might find it funny if you put a banana to your ear and try to use it like a telephone. Or call your husband “Mommy.” Spotting these simple visual and language variations enhances your child’s memory and increases her ability to focus.It’s also a pretty good indication that you’re on the right track to raising a happy, confident kid. Laughter not only relieves stress, it can also boost creative thinking, foster communication, and help kids make new friends. So it’s important for you to encourage humorous play at home — and to laugh at your child’s earliest attempts at joking (even if you don’t think that putting a diaper on his head for the eighth time in a row is particularly funny). Need some comedic inspiration? Try testing out these tot-approved gut-busters. Fall to the ground when she catches up. Just make sure you give it a rest if she starts getting fussy. “It probably means that she’s feeling overstimulated and it’s time to take a break from the roughhousing,” says Dr. Grubb.
Show Your Silly Side
At this age, kids are the perfect audience for over-the-top slapstick comedy, says Parents advisor Harvey Karp, M.D., author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block. They particularly love it when you’re the butt of the joke, so pretend you don’t have control of your feet and stumble around, or close your eyes as if you’re asleep and snore loudly. Your child will find it hilarious when he taps you and you suddenly “wake up” confused. You can also try to drink from your child’s sippy cup, cuddle his blanket, or struggle to “fit” into his T-shirt; he’s so used to being the little one that switching roles is sure to get him to giggle. This can even help you out when he’s not being cooperative. If he’s fussy about getting dressed, for instance, act like you don’t know where his coat goes and try to put it on his legs. He’ll think, “Mom is silly — this is how it’s done!” and will show you himself. “Toddlers know they’re not the fastest, strongest, or smartest in the room. So if you can give them a few wins, they’ll feel proud and be more willing to help you out in return,” says Dr. Karp.
Bust a Move
Most toddlers simply can’t resist bopping along to a good beat, so join the fun by boogying down with your craziest dance moves. Your kid will delight in seeing you twist and shake in unexpected ways — and he just might pick up a step or two. “Children are kinesthetic learners, so they not only have fun dancing, but they also learn by moving their body,” explains Dr. Kessler. If you or your spouse is musical, create your own silly songs. “My 22-month-old son, Henry, loves it when my husband plays the guitar. We take a melody he likes, such as ‘La Bamba,’ and then change the lyrics using words that he thinks are funny — like pepperoni,” says Rachel Marshman, of Louisville, Kentucky. Not feeling that creative? Pull together a CD mix of kid songs for some impromptu dance sessions, add his name into “Old MacDonald,” or sing his favorite tune while switching from a low to a high voice.
Play With Words and Images
As early as 18 months, children can recognize (and laugh at) things that don’t look or sound the way they should, like a picture of a dog in shoes or a cow that “oinks.” By 24 months, toddlers know the correct names for objects, so your child might find it funny if you put a banana to your ear and try to use it like a telephone. Or call your husband “Mommy.” Spotting these simple visual and language variations enhances your child’s memory and increases her ability to focus, says Dr. Kessler, which will come in handy when she starts school.
At this age, toddlers are the perfect audience for over-the-top slapstick comedy. They particularly love it when you become the butt of the joke.
Real Funny!Get giggly with these smart tips from our Motherboard members. Then log on to parents.com/motherboard to share your best advice, receive special offers and product samples, and sign up to get a weekly newsletter.
“One surefire way to make my son laugh: I’ll place one of his toys on top of my head and then ‘accidentally’ sneeze, sending it flying!” — Tami N., Pennsylvania
“I’ll pretend I’m looking for my daughter when she’s already there in front of me. I’ll scan the room like I don’t see her, and she’ll crack up and say, ‘Mommy, I’m right here!’?” — Christa E., Indiana
“If my son’s arms are in the air, I go, ‘Uh, what’s that?’ while looking at his armpit. Then I say, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get it’ and tickle him like crazy.” — Samantha P., Oklahoma
Originally published in the September 2010 issue of Parents magazine.
Everyday Toddler Lessons
You don’t have to sign your child up for pricey classes. Teach him his ABCs, colors, and more while he plays, shops, and tackles tasks
Kids who enjoy learning tend to explore things more deeply. So encourage observation: Point out details he might not otherwise notice, such as the whorls of a fingerprint or the patterns on a lace curtain.
Boost the Educational Value of Everyday Tasks
The world is a stimulating place for a toddler — everything’s new and exciting! “Kids this age are absorbing new information all day long,” says Elaine Ellis, M.D., medical director of the Phoenix Children’s Hospital’s Neuro-Developmental Evaluation Program. Even the most mundane experiences help build important skills. Think about it: An activity as simple as helping you fold the laundry can teach your child preliminary lessons in counting and sorting, while also strengthening his motor development.
With just a little effort, you can boost the educational value of everyday tasks. “Toddlers learn best when they use all their senses,” says Dr. Ellis. “The more they see, feel, hear, and manipulate things, the better the lessons sink in.” Our smart strategies will turn your daily routine into fun learning games.
Kitchen Class
Shapes and Sizes: Children as young as 2 can understand the concept of big and small. When cooking, ask your child to help you choose the right container for what you’ll be serving. Say, “Do you think the strawberries will fit in the little bowl, or do we need the bigger one?”
Sounds: While kids may not be able to tell you which note is an A versus a high C, they do understand that different tones sound, well, different. This is a building block of musicality. “Clink an empty glass with a spoon, and then tap on a full one,” says Lewis P. Lipsitt, Ph.D., a child-development expert at Brown University, in Providence. “Talk about how the teakettle makes a whistling noise when the water’s boiling.” Pointing out such things also demonstrates cause and effect — kids learn that they can intentionally make things happen.
Counting: Set the table by the numbers. Ask your child how many napkins and forks you’ll need so everyone gets one. Take it a step further by asking, “If Dad doesn’t eat breakfast with us tomorrow, how many spoons will we need?”
Car Talk
Colors: “Tell Mommy when the light turns green” is a great game that teaches kids to anticipate change. Another idea: Challenge your child to look for and count out red cars. When she’s spotted five, tell her to shout “Bingo!” Repeat with blue, black, or green vehicles.
Letters: As you pass billboards, signs, sides of trucks and storefronts, ask her to shout out letters she sees in the order of the alphabet. That may take the entire two-hour trip to Grandma’s!
Shapes: Kids love pointing out all the shapes they spot from their car seat: Your steering wheel is a circle and a sign is a square. Show your child a stop sign and explain that it’s an octagon, while a school bus might look like a rectangle.
Baby to Kids Boutique
Fuel Your Child’s Desire to Learn
Stimulating your child’s curiosity is critical to helping her succeed in the classroom. Good news: It’s not only easy but also fun.
Kids who enjoy learning tend to explore things more deeply. So encourage observation: Point out details he might not otherwise notice, such as the whorls of a fingerprint or the patterns on a lace curtain. “Instilling a passion for learning is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids,” says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Baby Minds.
Leave time for independent play.
If you’ve ever watched a toddler endlessly fill, empty, and refill a bucket with sand, you know that all kids are scientists by nature. But this process of experimentation can’t happen unless you let your child check out the world on his own terms. “Give him time and room to do things on his own,” says Margery B. Franklin, Ph.D., professor emerita of psychology at Sarah Lawrence College, in Bronxville, New York. Resist the urge to jump in and help him at the first sign of frustration; children need to learn how to solve things themselves. “The answers, in learning and in life, don’t always come right away,” says Kyle Pruett, Ph.D., a Parents advisor and coauthor of Partnership Parenting. “Most kids need your help to develop perseverance.”
Encourage observation.
Taking a closer look at everyday objects will make them seem more intriguing to your child. Point out details she might not otherwise notice, such as the whorls of a fingerprint or the patterns on a lace curtain. On walks around town, Marla Barr, of New York City, used to play “Tell me what you see” with her then 2-year-old daughter, Julia. “I showed her the American flag and asked her to point out all the flags she could find on our stroll,” says Barr. In turn, Julia asked her mom to identify any new thing she observed (such as a mailbox or a garbage truck) and then tried to find other examples of it.
Baby to Kids Boutique
Getting the Best from Your Child
Preschool teachers told us how to get the best from your toddler. Want to promote independence? Assign chores, and don’t redo your child’s work if it’s imperfect. Need better cooperation? Allow playtime freedom and turn work into games or set it to music.
Getting the Best from Your Child
What parent hasn’t occasionally wondered: Why is my child better for everyone else than for me? The simple answer: Your child tests her limits with you because she trusts you will love her no matter what. But that doesn’t mean you can’t borrow a few strategies from the preschool teachers’ playbook to get the best from your child. I worry that my 3-year-old, Sophie, has a split personality. At school she cleans up her toys, puts on her shoes, and is entirely self-sufficient at potty time. At home, she whines whenever I ask her to pick up anything, insists I join her in the bathroom whenever she has to go, and lately has started demanding that I spoon-feed her dinner. Clearly, her teacher knows something I don’t. We asked educators from around the country for their tips so listen up — and take notes!
Promoting Independence
While 3- and 4-year-olds still need plenty of parental help, our preschool experts agree that kids are typically able to do more than many of us think. Here’s how you can encourage them:
1. Expect more. Most people have a way of living up (or down) to expectations — preschoolers included. “At school we expect the kids to pour their own water at snack, to throw away their plates, to hang up their jackets — and they do,” says Jennifer Zebooker, a teacher at the 92nd Street Y Nursery School, in New York City. “But then they’ll walk out of the classroom and the thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers.” Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.
2. Resist doing for her what she can do herself. While it may be quicker and easier to do it yourself, it won’t help to make your child more self-sufficient. Quick hint: Appeal to her sense of pride, suggests Donna Jones, a preschool teacher at Southern Oregon University’s Schneider Children’s Center in Ashland, Oregon. “Whenever I’m trying to get kids to dress, put jackets on, sit on chairs during meals and so on, I’ll ask them: ‘Do you want me to help you or can you do it yourself?’ Those words are like magic,” promises Jones. “The kids always want to do it for themselves.”
3. Don’t redo what they’ve done. If your child makes her bed, resist the urge to smooth the blankets. If she dresses herself in stripes and polka dots, compliment her “eclectic” style. Unless absolutely necessary, don’t fix what your child accomplishes, says Kathy Buss, director of the Weekday Nursery School, in Morrisville, Pennsylvania. She will notice and it may discourage her.
4. Let them solve simple problems. If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book from a shelf that she can reach if she stands on her stepstool, pause before racing over to help. “Provided that they are safe, those moments when you don’t rush in, when you give children a moment to solve things for themselves, those are the character-building moments,” says Zebooker. “It’s natural to want to make everything perfect, but if we do, we cheat kids of the chance to experience success.”
5. Assign a chore. Putting your preschooler in charge of a regular, simple task will build her confidence and sense of competency, says Buss. A child who is entrusted to water the plants or empty the clothes dryer is likely to believe she can also get dressed herself or pour her own cereal. Just be sure the chore you assign is manageable and that it’s real work, not busywork, since even preschoolers know the difference. The goal is to make your child feel like a capable, contributing member of the family.
September Is Baby Safety Month
September is Baby Safety Month, and Safe Kids Kansas reminds parents and caregivers to plan ahead to make safe spaces for babies “at home, at play and on the way.”
In the nursery: Remove pillows, soft bedding such as blankets or bumper guards and toys out of your baby’s crib. Make sure a soda can cannot fit between the crib slats. Make sure the crib’s corner posts are the same height as the end panels. The mattress should fit snugly inside the bed frame without gaps. Keep beds, cribs and other furniture away from windows so kids can’t climb up. Window screens are meant to keep things out, not in. Infants should always be placed to sleep on their backs (face up).
Note: Unaccustomed sleep position is also an issue. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states parents and child care providers need to be aware that infants who are normally placed to sleep on their backs, who are then placed on their stomachs to sleep, are as much as 18 times more likely to die from Sudden Infant Death Sydrome (SIDS). Infants who are regularly placed to sleep on their stomachs have a five times greater risk of dying of SIDS than children who are placed to sleep on their backs. Talk to everyone who provides care to your infant, and make it a rule they should always be placed on their back to sleep. This important conversation needs to take place before the child is cared for by a relative, babysitter, or child care provider and should be reinforced by both the parent and other providers on a regular basis.
In the kitchen: Never leave a hot stove unattended. Cook with pots and pans on back burners. Turn pot handles to the back of the stove. Keep hot liquids, poisons, lighters, matches and electrical cords out of reach. Don’t let children under age three eat small, round or hard foods such as hot dogs, grapes, hard candy, nuts or popcorn.
In the bath: Mix hot and cold water together, and test the temperature before putting the baby in. Set your hot water heater to 120 degrees to help prevent scalding. Never leave a baby alone in the bath.
In the water: Never leave your baby unattended in or near water, even for a second. Empty and turn over all buckets and wading pools as soon as you are done using them. Pools should be fenced on all four sides and have self-closing gates.
In the play room: Do not use baby walkers. Use stationary play centers instead. Look for well-made toys and follow the age and safety information on the warning labels. Check regularly for dangers such as sharp edges. Keep toys with small parts or other choking hazards away from children under age three. Avoid toys that can become hazards. Toys with strings, straps or cords longer than seven inches can accidentally strangle children. Electrical toys are a potential burn hazard. Children under age eight should not use toys with electrical plugs or batteries. Make sure toys are stored safely. Choose toy chests with hydraulic lids to prevent entrapment, or remove the lid. Also, make sure toy chests have ventilation holes, to prevent suffocation in case a child becomes trapped inside.
In the home: Install guards on windows that you will open, and tie up cords on curtains and blinds to prevent strangulation. Install smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors on every floor and outside all sleeping areas. Install safety gates at top and bottom of stairs. Always strap babies into high chairs, swings, changing tables and strollers. Keep cleaning products, medicines, and other poisons locked and out of reach. Keep the poison control hotline number (800-222-1222) and emergency numbers by every phone and programmed into cell phones.
In the car: All children ages 13 and under should be properly restrained in a back seat on every ride. Choose and use correctly the right restraint for your child. Infants should ride in rear-facing car seats as long as possible, until they are at least one year old and weigh at least 20 pounds. Keep children rear-facing to 30-35 pounds if your car seat allows it. Children who are at least one year old, weigh 20 to 40 pounds, and can no longer ride rear-facing should ride in forward-facing car seats secured with harnesses. Always check the harness for proper fit according to the car seat manufacturer.
Baby Safety Month is an annual observance led by the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association since 1991.
10 Ways to Stop Yelling
When your child is driving you crazy, it can feel as if he’s always misbehaving. Instead of losing your cool, check out 10 ways to stay calm while still making your point and setting necessary boundaries
Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Sometimes all it takes is a moment to cool down.
You told your child to pick up all his toys and get ready for bed. Five minutes later when you check in, the toy cars are still all over. You feel your blood start to boil. You’re on the verge of losing it. Turn around, close your eyes, and breathe. Take a moment to collect yourself — and your emotions. Michelle LaRowe, author of A Mom’s Ultimate Book of Lists, says, “Take a time-out. If you’re worked up, you’re only going to work up your child. Before addressing your child, take a deep breath and think through what you’re going to say, calmly.”
Address the BehaviorWe all have good kids; sometimes their behavior just stinks.
When you’re teaching your children to ride their bikes, do you punish them when they don’t get it the first try? Of course not. You encourage them, support them, and give them guidance. Rex Forehand, Ph.D., author of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Third Edition, with Nicholas Long, Ph.D., says that disciplining your children should be the same way. “When we think about teaching our children, we usually go about it in positive ways, that is except for behavior,” Dr. Forehand says. “For some reason we think that punishment should be our teaching tool.” It doesn’t need to be. When your child hits another child during a playdate, it’s easy to react with yelling, “Stop! Don’t do that!” Instead, Dr. Forehand suggests focusing on addressing the specific behavior and taking the opportunity to patiently teach your child why hitting is wrong.
Mean Business Without Being MeanInstead of yelling, use a firm, but soft, I-mean-business tone when giving behavior directions.
Direction that makes the most impact on a child is actually one that is stern and even somewhat gentle, says LaRowe. “When you speak in a calm but firm soft voice, children have to work to listen — and they most always do. The calmer and softer you speak, the more impact your words will have,” she says. Not only will your child most likely grasp your instructions faster, you won’t have to lose your voice trying to convey it.
Help Your Child Explain FeelingsBefore you lose your cool because your child has misbehaved, figure out what is causing the behavior.
One of the biggest reasons toddlers misbehave is they simply haven’t learned an alternative approach to displaying their feelings. “Our goal as parents should be to teach our children how to effectively express themselves by validating their feelings without validating their behavior,” LaRowe says. Next time Tommy pushes a friend who just knocked over his blocks, stray away from the tempting ridicule of yelling “No! Don’t do that!” LaRowe suggests instead explaining why the action is bad. “Tommy, I understand you are mad that your friend knocked over your blocks. It’s okay to be mad, but when you are mad you tell your friend ‘I’m mad;’ you don’t push.”
Have Clear Rules & Follow ThroughNot carrying out your threats will result in them testing you — and you getting angry.
“Jenna, please turn off the TV.” Five minutes later, Jenna is still watching TV. “Jenna, I mean it, turn off the TV or you will sit in time-out.” Five minutes later, Jenna is still watching TV. “Jenna, I mean it …” Empty threats and nagging won’t work on your children, and eventually they will call your bluff. And when they do, it’s likely parents will find themselves frustrated and yelling. But this is easy to avoid. Have clear rules. When you state a consequence, follow through.
Give Praise for Okay BehaviorParents praise their children for good behavior, and scold for the bad, but what about the in-between?
Children love getting attention from their parents, sometimes even if it’s bad. “Parents tend to give attention to their child either by praising them for good behavior or punishing them for bad behavior. And at times a child will take either or,” says Dr. Long, who advises to ignore your children when they are acting badly, such as whining to get attention. “If you yell at them, you are still giving them the interest they wanted, and therefore they will continue to use negative behavior to get a reaction from you,” Dr. Long says. If you praise behavior, even when it is just okay, then your child will be more likely to repeat it because of the way you took notice.
A Strong Bond Makes Discipline EasierThe stronger your relationship is with your child, the stronger your discipline will hold.
At this age your child wants to be close to you. Take advantage of it and reaffirm your bond with your child. Not only will it strengthen the relationship between parent and child, but your child will then have a greater respect for you. According to Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Third Edition, the closer you are to your child, the less likely your child is to act up, even though no child is perfect. “A child who has a strong relationship with a parent is more prone to accept the discipline offered by a parent,” Dr. Long says.
Put Yourself in Their ShoesAre you hurt when someone yells at you? Of course; so why wouldn’t your child be?
“Our goal as parents should be to teach our children and to build them up, not to tear them down. When we yell at our children we risk damaging their self-esteem and sense of self-worth,” LaRowe says. Consider how you’d feel if your boss yelled at you. You’d likely be embarrassed and hurt. LaRowe points out that often you don’t have a chance to process what your boss is saying because of how it was said. The same goes for your child. You want to be able to teach him what is acceptable and what is not without making him feel shame or embarrassment
Good Eating & Sleeping HabitsHealthy children are the happiest children.
Parents underestimate the power of what a well-balanced diet and a good sleeping schedule can do for a child’s behavior. If you think about it, what are two of the major underlying problems that cause toddlers to act up? Hunger and fatigue. Well-rested, well-nourished children who are on predictable schedules tend to have fewer behavioral issues. On the flip side, the better your sleeping and eating habits are as a parent, the more likely you are to keep your cool longer — and catch yourself before you start yelling.
We’re Not PerfectNo matter how hard we try, sometimes we will slip up and yell. And that’s okay, as long as we know how to make it right.
Your child has been driving you up the wall all day. You have tried to keep your cool and follow all the steps, and yet you still feel your temper escalating. And then, one small mishap from your child, and you lose it. You raise your voice, and there’s no taking it back now. Dr. Forehand and Dr. Long suggest talking to your children when you’ve calmed down after yelling. “It’s important to explain that Mommy or Daddy didn’t mean to raise their voice, and that they didn’t mean to get mad,” Dr. Forehand says. “Explain to them that it frustrates Mommy or Daddy when they don’t listen, and ask them to do better, and that you will, too.”
Copyright 2010 Meredith Corporation.
